i'm your sinner.

i just need to confess.
i do feel lonely sometimes and i just cant help myself.
right now, my sin is envy.
yes, envy. simply because i'm envious of everyone who walks past me who has their hands in someone else's.
it's all worse when you're sick. you wish that there was someone to ask you to take you meds. to bring you to the doctor even. or when you're hungry, buy you whatever you want to eat.
i'm not happy with the way i've handled somethings. but this, i didnt want. i dont know why i've been feeling like this for the longest time. loneliness. its not the best feeling to have.
the reasons why i can't write songs because they serve to remind me further as to how stupid i am for feeling this way.
the reason why there wasn't a proper update in a long time because i guess i simply wasn't up to it. looking at other people and seeing them feeling so warm inside. makes me want to cringe. in the sense that i should most probably haide and then die without anyone knowing.
i keep thinking that i should be stronger. really, i should.

ross was being all nice when she said that if i wanted, she could introduce me to her godbrother. by the name of sean/shaun. which ever way you spell it. they're all the same. and i LOL-ed on the spot. since i guess most of you would know why.

back to the point. i think, i shouldn't be looking for a relationship when i'm not ready. cause if i were to go into one now. i wont look before i fall. and that, will have repercussions for sure. i clearly remembered that last time that happened. i dont want to have my heart away from my body anytime soon.

widen my social circle. meet new people. yeah, how am i suppposed to do that when i'm sick beyond my means.

let me tell you this. my mucus, has blood in it. means i'm sick. if thats not enough justification, my leaking nose can fill up a swimming pool.

i need to have a talk with my mother about curfew.

so prom is about a few days away. i'm sure many people from rp are happy and excited about it. sorry, i'm just not a prom person. too many people. and too much fuss for me. so i didnt go to my sec school one. cause tt one had no guys. this one? simply not interested. am i going to regret it? nope. not my kind of thing.

see what i mean by i need to widen my social circle?

two more months.